Summer is Here

          Well, summer for me has just started and you want to know what that means? It means writing, reading, and working. Yes, I do say working last because it is a part of life. I might not want to but I have to do something this summer other than stay at home and read or write. I have been working on something new. It is not my normal story. So I thought that I might share it with you. I thought that you might like to read it. The only thing is I have no clue where I am taking this story. All I know is that it is fashioned out of sadness and I am thinking that it will stay that way. All I know about the story is that it is going to be a werewolf. That is it. I am just going to copy and paste my little first chapter here and then the next one is going to be in the next blog. I thought that you might like me to at least tell you what was going on instead of just getting a wall of text on your computer or phone screen.

          Everything is changed now. Nothing is ever going to be the same. Not after this. Not after what I did. Not after what happened to her. I am not going to stop this. I can't stop this. It is too powerful. Too strong for just myself to do. But I have to. I am the only one who can. I am the only one who has not given up on this. All I see is black and all I feel is cold. You can't undo something, and you can't take back what has already happened. You have to live through it, no matter how many memorize haunt you. No matter how many people scream my name I can not look back. I must do what I have been told to do. I must live until my last breath is drawn and my pain can end. 

          Rocking myself in the corner seems to help a bit, but it doesn't make me feel any better about what I have done. I didn't mean to hurt her. I didn't mean to rip into her stomach like a wild animal and tear her organs out piece by piece. Bit by bit. I can still see it and taste the blood on my lips. I want to smile at the taste. It was good but I couldn't help myself. He did something that she was not supposed to do, and I had to punish her for it. He touched her. He wasn't allowed to do that. She didn't tell him he could. She looked at me and told me without moving her mouth to do it. To do what I wanted to do to her since he came between us. I couldn't help myself I felt pain in my arms and legs and back but it was over fast and then I was running towards him and tearing into his flesh and hearing the sound of a scream. I felt people pulling her away from me but I didn't want that. I had to continue, I had to finish her. He told me to do it. 

          Yes, I might be a little crazy, but we all are always crazy. What matters now thought it that I leave. I have to go and I have to find somewhere safe. I can not leave her behind but she told me to go. I have to listen to her. I have to let her go. That is easier said than done. She was my best friend, and he was a stupid recklace driver. He had too much to drink and couldn't stay straight or see anything. I could taste the beer in his blood. If I hadn't killed him he would have. The beer and smoke where not doing anything good to him so what I did was a mercy. I jumped out in front and killed him. I stopped his car and he got out and I killed him right than and there in front of everyone. No one might have seen this coming but I should have been better at seeing everyhting that could have happened. 

          I skyrocket out of bed at just the thought of killing someone. That dream has been happening more and more now and I can not understand why I am so bloodthirsty in my dreams. It hasn't always been this way. I had nice dreams once. Nice ones where people like me and I was not trying to tear into to them. I gagged at the memory of it. I had to slow my heart beat down before I could do anything. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths just like I had been told to from my therapist. She says that I am alright. That I am only grieving and blaming myself for what happened, but she doesn't know the whole truth. I haven't been telling her about my dreams at all, so she wouldn't say that I was not sane enough to go to school. School, at the moment, is the only thing waking me up in the morning. I don't know what I am going to do when summer starts. When my heartbeat slows down I get out of bed slowly and get dressed. I still had school yet and I was happy about that, but after school, I have to go and see her. I have to go and see the person that my mother makes me see every other day because 'she is worried about me' and so on. I don't get her at all, she is just like any other female that I have ever meet. Confusing and double personanatily. 

          I pull off my tank top and slip on a new one just to pull a black long sleeved shirt over it. It was more like a sweater with a turtleneck. My mom hates when I wear these during the summer, but it is not like I can walk out of the house in just a t-shirt and show the world the scars I have given myself. I slipped on some long black pants to go with the shirt. It might be 90 degrees outside but I am not going to wear a short shirt and some short pants. I brushed my hair as I walked out of my room and into the kitchen to see my mom sitting next to my dad talking quietly. I knew that they were talking about me by the look in both their eyes when I got into the room. My mom and dad looked almost freaked out, and that was scary to me. They never looked like that, towards me. My mom patted the chair in a request that I sit next to her. My sister by now was up and in the shower so she would not hear anything that is going on. 

          "We have to talk sweetheart," She said in her soft soothing voice that she only uses when something bad has happened. I looked at dad back to her almost scared about what she was going to say next. She and my dad took my hand before my mom started talking again, "Sweety, we want you to know that this is for the best. We think that you should not be going to school for a while." I started at her blankly until her words seemed to cut through me. I pulled my hands back from hers and my dad. They looked stricken but let me go. I stumbled to my room and locked the door behind me. I slid down the white door looking and feeling more shocked than I had in a while. I had thought that the dreams were bad, but them telling me that I could not go to school was even worst. "Sweetheart, it would be for the best. You can go today, but I don't think you should go tomorrow," She says through the door. I knew what she wanted me to do. She wanted me to give up the only peace of mind that I seemed to have. I unlocked the door to see that she had followed me with my dad right behind her. I rushed past them not even thinking about breakfast and ran out the door like I was being chased. They had followed me, of course, but had stood at the door as I walked away from them without anything. I was going to go to school, I just wasn't going to have anything on me. My teachers were not going to like me today. 

          I walked the 30 minutes it took me to get to the bus and pulled out a bus pass for a day and rode it all the way to school not at all seeing anything outside the window. I knew that what I was doing was wrong, but I had to get away from my mom and dad. They were going to try and take away the only thing that was holding me together. After the dead of my friend, I couldn't hold anything together until I just shut everything off. I didn't want to feel I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to eat, and I thought that nothing was going to be the same ever again for me. 

          Tell me if you enjoyed this down in the comments and I did not mean for this to sound so much like an outro. Well, let's just get on with our day then.